- T - I - M - E -

What is Time? Is it something that we own? Does everyone have enough or something that we always ran out? Time. Time has been defined as the continuum in which events occur in succession from the past to the present and on to the future. At least that's what Wikipedia said.

Last night, as I was telling my eldest child to go to sleep, I was preparing for my "work". And then she asked, "Mom, why are you always doing something in the computer at this time?" I stopped. And then tried to answer the question in mind. Why? And since my daughter is waiting for an answer, I told her, "because you know, dad is working at night, so in the morning, after I sent you to school, I have to take care of him, and then mat and after lunch, I'll fetch you and attend to you." She didn't asked anymore. But I did. I asked myself why.

I tried several times to make a 'to do' schedule. More often than not, it's never followed. I tried to schedule what I'll be doing for the rest of the day, even for the week, also did plan the schedule of the family's activities, but not a day was a success. Though there were several activities we were able to do, but not all scheduled activity for the day.

This reminds me of the game 'SIMS'. That game tests time management for a person and later on for the family members and when mismanaged, the characters ended up getting cranky, sick, even sleeping anywhere it gets worn out. The 'sims' days seem almost like my days, redundant.

Time fly so fast. A familiar cliche always pops whenever I ponder the good ol' days, "parang kailan lang.." Sometimes I wish I were back in time, when all I ever do is play, too less things to worry about.

Redundant as my days may seem, I always try to find something new and interesting. Something that will keep me going as ME. I am a wife to my husband and a mother to my kids, but now I wonder, what has time made me to ME? Maybe, I'm just too sad at the moment. I had to stop writing.

Beautiful Life

Running has been my de-stressing activity since college. I've seen some neighbors who are also doing the same exercise. Some just walk, other's jog or run. I sometimes envy some of them who are walking with their family, kids and sometimes dogs. Me, I would normally do it, alone on a regular day.

But tonight's run is a little different. A few hours ago, I had a good run of 5kms around our subdivision. And I come across some of my neighbors too. One of which spoked to me. Even with my headset on and the music playing, I saw her smile and heard her say, "Buti ka pa, nakakatakbo. Kami hanggang lakad lang". I couldn't remember if I said anything. But I smiled back.

Those simple words made my night. I was so depressed when I started running. and felt lighter when I ended. A kick of the happy glands after the exercise and the nice gesture that the lady, maybe in her mid 40s, gave me, made it that way.

She just made me realize even more, that there are people who wishes something we have that they don't, and maybe, from there, we'll start appreciating what we have and start living life as it is, simple and beautiful...

C - H - A - N - G - E

Few days ago, my husband recommended something for me to read. It is a short story entitled, "Who moved my cheese" written by Spencer Johnson. It is a very interesting story about 2 mice and 2 little people and how they all adapted to change. As it is written in the book, the story shows an amazing way to deal with C-H-A-N-G-E in your work and your life. It was really a good read.

PREVIEW OF THE STORY:

~~~

Once, long ago in a land far away, there lived four little characters, 2 mice and 2 little people, who ran through a maze looking for cheese to nourish them and make them happy. Every day the mice and the littlepeople spent time in the maze looking for their own special cheese. The maze was a labyrinth of corridors and chambers, some containing delicious cheese. But there were also dark corners and blind alleys leading nowhere. It was an easy place for anyone to get lost. However, for those who found their way, the maze held secrets that let them enjoy a better life.

Eventually in their own way, they all discovered what they were looking for – they each found their own kind of cheese one day at the end of one of the corridors in Cheese Station C. Every morning after that, the mice and the littlepeople dressed in their running gear and headed over to Cheese Station C. It wasn’t long before they each established their own routine.

When they arrived at their destination, the mice took of their running shoes, tied them together and hung them around their necks – so they could get to them quickly whenever they needed them again. Then they enjoyed the cheese.

As for the 2 little people, in the beginning, also raced toward the Cheese Station C every morning to enjoy the tasty new morsels that awaited them.

But after a while, a different routine set in for these littlepeople.

They settled in and made themselves at home. They hung up their jogging suits, put away their running shoes and put on their slippers. They were becoming very comfortable now that they had found the Cheese.

One morning they arrived at Cheese Station C and discovered there was no cheese.

The 2 mice weren’t surprised. Since they had noticed the supply of cheese had been getting smaller every day, they were prepared for the inevitable and knew instinctively what to do.

They looked at each other, removed the running shoes they had tied together and hung conveniently around their necks, put them on their feet and laced them up.

The mice did not overanalyze things. And they were not burdened with many complex beliefs.

To the mice, the problem and the answer were both simple. The situation at Cheese Station C had changed. So, the 2 mice decided to change.

Later that same day, the 2 little people arrived at Cheese Station C. They had not been paying attention to the small changes that had been taking place each day, so they took it for granted their Cheese would be there.

They were unprepared for what they found. “Who moved my Cheese?” one hollered.

The little people’s behavior was not very attractive or productive but it was understandable.

Finding Cheese wasn’t easy, and it meant a great deal more to the little people than just having enough of it to eat every day.

Because Cheese was important to them, the two littlepeople spent a long time trying to decide what to do. All they could think of was to keep looking around Cheeseless Station C to see if the Cheese was really gone.

The next day the little people left their homes and returned to Cheese Station C again, where they still expected, somehow, to find their Cheese. The situation hadn’t changed, the Cheese was no longer there. The little people didn’t know what to do. They just stood there, immobilized like two statues.

The two tried to rationalize what happened. Thinking that the cheese has only been moved and figuring out how and where to find it.

While the little people were still trying to decide what to do, the mice were already well on their way. They went farther in the maze, up and down corridors, looking for cheese in every Cheese Station they could find.

They didn’t find any for sometime until they finally went into an area of the maze where they had never been before: Cheese Station N. They squealed with delight. They found what they had been looking for: a great supply of New Cheese.

Meanwhile, the little people argue from time to time since one of them is getting tired of just waiting for the cheese to be returned.

This little person said to the other, “I didn’t want to see it either, but now I realize they’re never going to put the Old Cheese back. That was yesterday’s Cheese. It’s time to find new Cheese.”

“Sometimes, things change and they are never the same again. This looks like one of those times. That’s life! Life moves on. And so should we.”

So from here on, one of them head on to the maze and find for the new cheese, while the other stayed at Cheese Station C. Later, with a lot of new things realized and learned, the one who moved forward found the New Cheese he was searching, now wondering, what his buddy has done after he left.

~~~

If you want to have a copy of the short story, I can send you an email. Just leave your email in the comments field. I recommend it too.

~~~

FEW THINGS I LEARNED:

~ Noticing Small Changes Early Helps You Adapt To The Bigger Changes That Are To Come.

~ When You See That You Can Find And Enjoy New Cheese, You Change Course.

~ You did not need to overcomplicate matters or confuse yourself with fearful beliefs.

~ You could be more aware of the need to keep things simple, be flexible, and move quickly.

~ He had to admit that the biggest inhibitor to change lies within yourself, and nothing gets better until you change.

~ Perhaps most important of all, he realized that there is always New Cheese out there whether you recognize it at the time or not. And that you are rewarded with it when you go past your fear and enjoy the adventure.

When I got back here in the Philippines, I was so sure that this is it. I did what I could and I am accepting whole-heartedly what God has prepared for me. A week ago, I was so determined of what I am going to do. But an email partly broke it all. Now, my state of mind is afloat. Wandering in the midst of confusion, worries, problems... Sometimes, thinking, I've pass this part of the maze already and yet, I still don't know which way to go from here...

Angels

On the day of my flight, I slept at around 4am when my schedule is at around 1030am. I was so worried about all my luggages. When I went there, my check in baggage is just right for the limit. I bought some things, I know, I'll definitely go beyond it. And so I had to adjust however I could. But, I guess it's hopeless. I would have to pay for the over baggage fee. Just before I sleep, I prayed for my excess baggages and for me to have a safe flight.

After 3 hours of sleep, I began to think again how I would carry all my things. I gathered all other small pieces of things I have left to pack, got my phone and woke up my cousin to accompany me to the airport. I plan to get there early so I would have enough time figuring out what to do with my things. But my cousin arrived late with the suggested time of meeting or should I say, she came just in time.

Here's what happened. We went down the building, hailed for a taxi, and went to the airport. Still don't know what to do, we went in and fall in line at the check in counter. I have 5 luggages. 1 is the check in baggage that I brought there, then my back pack, a plastic bag of items for the family of my friend and my cousin, folded bed and 1 duffle bag. When it was our turn, I presented the check in baggage which is good to go. I asked the nice man if the folded bed can be included but he said "no, it's already over the limit". So I asked my cousin to just take it home and we'll figure out what to do later on. But this nice man said that he will include it and to just bring it to the counter for odd shaped luggages. So I went there and attend to some other things I have to do, when I got back to the line where my cousin was, she told me that I have to check in the duffle bag too since it's really beyond the limit for hand carry. But I know, it's too expensive so I am thinking of leaving it with my cousin and have it shipped over via courier. But then, this nice man, said, "ok, ok, just give me one more bag..." there were few more words I just did not understand. Then in the end, I just realized that he gave me a free luggage! Wow!

You might think that from here on I'm good to go. With the back pack and a big plastic of goods, I'm still not sure that I'll make it. I tried. But the men on the gate won't let me pass. So I went back to the check in counter but it's already closed. I begged to the nice man who helped me earlier, but he said he's already close for checking in baggages. So I went to talk to my cousin and discuss the previous arrangement we had. At that time, I'm running out of time to board, I'm panicking! I can't decide which one to leave. And to my surprise this angel sent from above, the same nice man who has been helping me since I got there, came back with a tag and placed it in my plastic of goods, telling me "now, there, no one will stop you." Tears, almost came out from my eyes, out of panic and out of gratefulness for this nice man, that my prayers were heard. After the immigration, I went in to the routine check of the hand carry luggages and the boarding passengers. I'm hearing a voice saying "last call bound for Manila with ".

At this point, I started running across the airport, to the counters and to the gate. Unexpectedly, this angel guided me until I was on board. He made sure that I won't miss my flight. At gate 8, there he was, holding the microphone, doing the last call spiel. I'd like to give him a big hug, honestly, but I hesitated. It might be offending to him having different race. But I sure prayed for that wonderful soul. Every time I remember what goodness he just did, I just can't stop smiling and just be so grateful.

Twisted Excitement

Few hours more, I'd be flying back home. I'll be seeing again the things and people I miss a lot for about a month. Yet I'll be leaving a lot of things and people that I'll be missing too. And this is how twisted it gets.

Ironic as it may seem. I am happy and sad at the same time. Happy because I'll be back to what I used to be and used to do, to be with my kids, family and friends, to be with the familiar world where I was a month ago. Sad because the hope that I had stayed as that, the world that I wished would be the new world for me and my family, leaving new friends and some old . I can't weigh the difference of what I am feeling, but I guess, I am happier than sad.

I'd like to hope that I will come back here once again. Maybe to visit, maybe to work. But I am too excited about going home that I can't think of what the future holds after I got back. For now, I will live "the now", and let God and fate do the rest.

I will definitely miss my new found friend Hazel and of course my old friends, May and Lyn. Thanks for their generosity and hospitality they let me stayed with them for almost a month.

Until we meet again. =)

Another Chapter to End

I spent my second to the last day of my stay here with a friend who exerted her energy even if she's been exhausted for a whole day's work just to accompany me. A friend, who helped me start this chapter. She supported me with a lot of things I needed including a place to stay, she gave me moral support and comforts me when I'm sad. I called her my mommie because she takes care of me, though we are of the same age. As sweet as she is, she sometimes calls me at lunch time just to ask what I was eating! So today, we went to explore something we both are experiencing for the first time. It was too funny yet lame to give in detail. But for us, it was fun! We had fun! We took pictures along the way which made it more wonderful though I sense my friend is already tired.

Tomorrow would be my last. I don't have any other plans yet except to spend it with my cousin after office hours in a mall. I am happy knowing that I'll be seeing my family again, yet sad coz I'll be missing this wonderful place. I'm thinking, will I be closing my doors for opportunities here? Am I willing to do it to my family all over again just to get it? I still don't know the answers to my questions. Maybe I'll live it be. For now, I'll live "the now". One step, one day at a time.

If I was writing a story of my life, this would be the the ending of another chapter in my life. It was an experience I will never forget. I have such high hopes when I went here. Hoping to land a job within a months stay. To the very highest dream, that soon, I'll be living with my whole family here. It was such a great experience. Though I didn't get what I hoped for, I know in my heart, this is what God had planned all along. He taught me lessons I will never learn if I wasn't alone. I had to do it on my own. I know journey will not end here. Lessons will not stop here neither. Promenade continues on to the next chapter. But until then, I'll make the most of my last day here.

Battle of the Heart and the Brain

The Brain says 'Yes', the heart says 'No'

One says 'Stop', the other says 'Go'

First one is for thinking, the latter is for feeling

We all get confused, what each could bring

We tried to fight heart over brain

Justified with all the reasoning

But will it be worth all the pain,

When we well know what we are feeling?

Now that we're suddenly feeling

that our heart is winning

Here you go again, brain

Telling it's mistake we're making

But how will one know

Which should be followed?

when all arguments presented

leaves one on hold and suspended